I’m Back, and just in time for Cinco de Mayo

5 05 2009

I’m having a hard time writing this post.

I’ve been trying to do it for days, but every word feels like it’s being wrung from a dry rag.

April 2009 was undoubtedly the worst month of my life.

I’m not going to go into the reasons here. Frankly, they are too personal to share to all you lurking out in blog-land. (But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.) Still, even though April was the worst month of my life, I also grew a lot.

I am now 7′ 4″.

I’m torn. Do I share some of the things I’ve learned? If so, how much? I’m still deciding.

Here’s one thing I’ve learned: you know all those times in the scriptures that say, “Ask and ye shall receive”? Well, it really works! A few years ago in my personal study, I began looking at a certain attribute. I said, “You know, I don’t really have a lot of that. But I’d like to.” I went through the topical guide and noted scriptures about this subject in my journal that made particular sense to me. For probably six months, I prayed pretty much daily that I would be given a measure of this godly attribute. I never heard a voice (still, small, or otherwise) saying: “You now have attained [fill in the blank with trait of your choice].” I eventually stopped praying for it, although I’d pray for it again in spurts when I felt like I’d slipped back into my worldly ways.

Fast forward to April, where some days I felt as though the only things holding me together were the clothes I was wearing. I was reading the conference Ensign from last October (I am somehow able to continue making the goal biyearly to read the last conference issue before the next one comes along, despite not making it time and again). In one particular article, I read one sentence (one sentence out of the entire Ensign) that made me stop to catch my breath. It was about that long-ago prayed for attribute.

And I realized I had it.

This wasn’t a little thing, either. It was BIG.

God changed my heart.  

Of course, looking at it intellectually I can say, “Of course He did. He’s God.” But to have it actually happen, and happen to me, and happen right when I needed it most, well, that’s humbling.

Knock and it shall opened.

Try it.