I’m Back, and just in time for Cinco de Mayo

5 05 2009

I’m having a hard time writing this post.

I’ve been trying to do it for days, but every word feels like it’s being wrung from a dry rag.

April 2009 was undoubtedly the worst month of my life.

I’m not going to go into the reasons here. Frankly, they are too personal to share to all you lurking out in blog-land. (But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.) Still, even though April was the worst month of my life, I also grew a lot.

I am now 7′ 4″.

I’m torn. Do I share some of the things I’ve learned? If so, how much? I’m still deciding.

Here’s one thing I’ve learned: you know all those times in the scriptures that say, “Ask and ye shall receive”? Well, it really works! A few years ago in my personal study, I began looking at a certain attribute. I said, “You know, I don’t really have a lot of that. But I’d like to.” I went through the topical guide and noted scriptures about this subject in my journal that made particular sense to me. For probably six months, I prayed pretty much daily that I would be given a measure of this godly attribute. I never heard a voice (still, small, or otherwise) saying: “You now have attained [fill in the blank with trait of your choice].” I eventually stopped praying for it, although I’d pray for it again in spurts when I felt like I’d slipped back into my worldly ways.

Fast forward to April, where some days I felt as though the only things holding me together were the clothes I was wearing. I was reading the conference Ensign from last October (I am somehow able to continue making the goal biyearly to read the last conference issue before the next one comes along, despite not making it time and again). In one particular article, I read one sentence (one sentence out of the entire Ensign) that made me stop to catch my breath. It was about that long-ago prayed for attribute.

And I realized I had it.

This wasn’t a little thing, either. It was BIG.

God changed my heart.  

Of course, looking at it intellectually I can say, “Of course He did. He’s God.” But to have it actually happen, and happen to me, and happen right when I needed it most, well, that’s humbling.

Knock and it shall opened.

Try it.


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14 responses

5 05 2009
Berta

WELCOME back, missy – missed you. Ohhhhh, let it all hang out – we’re friends here! ! ! !

5 05 2009
Candice

Sometimes I forget what I have prayed fervently for, and I do not see how my prayers have been answered.

I kept a prayer journal for a year. It was not everyday, but every few months I would look on my past prayers. I started to notice that they were all answered. All of them. I actually started dating when they were answered.

I need to do that again. Thank you for reminding me to ask. He wants us to ask.

I am sorry about your month. I wish that I could make it better.

5 05 2009
Mandy

I am happy that you are back. I am sad that you are going through something hard. I am inspired by your spiritual insight and growth. I am nosy and want to be told every detail (but would never want you to share more than you are comfortable with). Mostly, I am happy you are back.

5 05 2009
moniquel319

Glad your back. Sorry it’s been so tough for you. I keep a different blog for dealing with this stuff. One that no one hardly ever goes to so it’s almost private. But I’m sure you don’t need to add to your daily stress level of keeping yet another blog. That is why God invented journals right?

5 05 2009
Dina

I wish I could make it better too. 😦

I did the very same thing in my life–praying about a certain attribute. It started after my husband died 11 years ago. I really wanted to have this gift. I felt it could help me, my family and others. I was amazed that immediately after I started praying about it, I had continual opportunities for growth in this area. It was hard. I often wondered if I really wanted this? Growing was so hard. Looking back these 11 years, I have been blessed beyond measure to S-T-R-E-T-C-H in this area. However, I don’t know that I will ever view myself as having mastered it. But I can see the long way I’ve come. Heavenly Father is just waiting to bless us.

Hope to see you this weekend! Love you!

5 05 2009
Kathleen

I’m so glad you are back, I missed the earwax!
I loved your insight. In fact, the other day I was walking up my street and I realized something similar had happened to me. I’m not sure if I actually prayed for it to happen, but I’m glad it did. Change is good.

5 05 2009
Rae

For what it’s worth, when I saw your blog pop up in my google reader I nearly threw a fiesta. I’ve missed your posts.

I hope things are easing up, and I’ll be praying for you.

5 05 2009
Ina

I love you! I’m glad your back… And I hope May is SO much better…

5 05 2009
Mrs. Olsen

tough and growth and nearly often companions. I hope it was a good pain. You are sweet, inspiring, and beautiful. Thanks for the reminder of the goodness of God and the power of prayer.

7 05 2009
Niki

Oh Wanda,
so glad you are back. I’m so sorry to hear that April was a hard month. We missed you around these blog parts. Heavenly Father sure does love you lil’ one . . . or I guess I should say big 7′ 4″ WNBA one. love ya!

7 05 2009
Alias

Oh no! I’ve been wondering how life was, and fearing it might not be going sunshine & roses. Been missing your blog & the Wendy-ness I get through it… and feeling like I should send you an email just to check in. But I didn’t. Dagnabit. I hate shouldacouldawouldas.

At any rate, here’s praying May is *not* like April, and that words come a little easier next time…

Love you!!!!!

8 05 2009
Tami

So glad you wrote this post. I didn’t check for a few days so I am late in soaking up your wisdom. You amaze me! You are truely a blessed daughter of God and I am grateful to be your friend.
Love,
Tami

9 05 2009
Camber

Hey there! So thanks for your inspirational post. I really miss hanging out with you (especially now that I don’t constantly feel sick…only about half the time or so). I never thanked you for letting us come and visit you (I hope we were not in the way too much). I am so sorry things have been hard. Please let us know if we can do anything, anything at all. Happy Mother’s Day in a few hours and I want you to know that you are one of the most amazing mothers I have ever seen and I wish I could be more like you! We love you!

28 05 2009
Abby

Phew…hope May has been better!!!! If not, then well there is always June? I wish trials came package sized like say a 2 day trial, or a 30 day trial….at least then you would know what you were in for!!!

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