Journal Dive: 6 July 2004

16 10 2009

I’ve decided to add a new “feature” on Fridays. I’ve kept a journal for years, so I thought it would be kind of fun to share a few select entries. It’s interesting to me how I seem to continually come back to the same themes in my journals. Either certain subjects fascinate me, or God is trying to teach me something and I haven’t gotten it yet.

In this particular instance, I had woken up before my alarm and thought, “I need to write that down!” Anyway, I stumbled across it several weeks ago and thought how it fit with my Enough post and a lot of other things I’ve been thinking lately.



6 July 2004, 5:51 am

What drives human beings?

The need to be loved for the real person inside–with no pretending you’re someone or something else. The need to say, “This is me.” And for the answer to be, “I love you.”

So often we do things to look good, hope for some form of acceptance from others to validate us–to tell us that because we look good, we are good. Or maybe not even that. We think that maybe by looking good people will like us or will think we’re good inside. It’s such a basic, aching need: to be accepted. And though we’d like to be accepted for who we really are, we’re often plagued by thoughts of inadequacy. Ironically, we change ourselves in order to be accepted, when, in fact, that really means the only acceptance we receive is for this fake self. So we keep up the facade–being someone else in order for that someone else to be accepted and loved by others.

I suppose it’s the ultimate in self-actualization to be able to finally say, “God loves me, and that is enough.”

But you have to truly mean it, of course. Just saying it doesn’t make it true in your heart.

Along with that, being able to accept others–faults and all–can help them in their own self-actualization process. When other people love and accept us, it’s easier for us to believe that God does, too. It shouldn’t be based on that, though. A lot of problems in relationships can be breached by simple honestly. Too often we cloak our meaning in subtlety or even politeness or convention. Honesty need not always be brutal, however. If we could figure out how to be tactful but truthful at the same time, well, then we’d be getting somewhere. “Wow, there really are a lot of different tastes in this world. I don’t like that painting at all.”

Hmm. Even in writing imaginary scenarios I’m having a tough time. But there’s got to be a way.



A couple of things I find funny now: self-actualization? Was I reading some pop-psychology book or did I come up with that on my own? Either way, I’ve never spoken the words ‘self-actualization’ in my life. Funny how easy it is to be like that in a journal.

Writing a scenario? (and why is it I like the word ‘scenario’ so much?) I don’t do that often in my journals anymore.

What I like most about this is that second paragraph.

“This is me.”

“I love you.”

I think I’m finally starting to get it.