This Post Is Hilarious (Well, Funnier than the Last One, Anyway)

18 06 2011

I am taking the gentle hint left by my dear brother in the comments to lighten up a little! In so many words.

Seriously, though, I tried to think of something funny to post about, but I couldn’t.

Did you hear that? I couldn’t think of anything funny to post about. That, my friends, is pretty sad.

Apparently I do need to lighten up. Or at least write things down because I seem to be having trouble retaining things at an ever-increasing rate. (Does that sentence make sense? The trouble retaining is increasing, not the actual retention. Right.)

I woke this morning from one of those in-and-out dreams that happen when you wake up a little but fall back to sleep again directly. The dream continues, and when you wake up fully lots of details are still pretty vivid. As I skimmed over those details in my mind (which included a heaving bridge, a forceful [by me] evacuation from the car, a diner with a mis-spelled name, a birthmark shaped like the Jordache logo [I know, right?], a point-and-shoot camera that took impossibly amazing photos of my parents, and a mouthed conversation with Jana Parker [does Jana Parker even know who I am? What’s she doing in my dream, anyway?] across the diner) I thought  I might come up with some way to make it all funny for a blog post.

But then I remembered this. “Ah.” I thought. “Blog post written.”

This is an ad from the USAToday weekend insert of the newspaper. What I find most hilarious isn’t necessarily the products (although some of them are pretty great), it’s the pictures. They are so obviously doctored it isn’t funny. Okay, wait. It is funny.

These anti-wrinkle patches are free–NO hidden charges and NO automatic shipments. What they don’t tell you is the before picture lady has lines drawn on her face, and the after lady simply washed them off.

This might be more convincing if the pictures weren’t actually cartoons.

Hmm. Luckily I don’t have this particular beauty issue. But if I did, it’s a relief to know they stay put when exercising and dancing.

I think this one might be my favorite. I wonder what “gently activate molecules and increase lip size by plumping up lips” actually means. It appears (at least to my uneducated eyes) that the shell thingy you put over your lips acts rather like when you put your mouth into a tube and suck on it until it sticks to your face.

In which case, I just saved you $24.95 (plus S & H).

You’re welcome.



5 responses

18 06 2011
Rachael C

Now, that was funny! Thanks for making my day!

18 06 2011

So funny! Although I’m thinking maybe I ought to get some of those bum pads. They would stay in place while I exercise, then I could take them off, get ready, look in the mirror and think, “Wow! All that exercise is really working!” Wouldn’t that be nice!

18 06 2011

I can’t believe that is for real. I can’t believe people buy those things!

21 06 2011
Annette & Neal

That was a great post! I especially enjoyed the description of your dream–I had one of those strange dreams yesterday–it’s been a while. Jana Parker…I remember her! Thanks for the heads up on the beauty secrets! Imagine all those things I hadn’t even contemplated needing!

23 06 2011

hahahahahahahahahaha! I haven’t been here for a while! Thanks for the laugh! The lip sucker was great!! But I especially liked the um…bum sculptor thingy! The pic of that woman makes her look like she has barbie doll porportions!

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